The holidays bring people, plans and parties. But a crowded room doesn't always mean a real connection. In fact, just over half of Americans (51%) say they feel lonely around the holidays, even when they're with loved ones, according to LifeStance's 2025 Holiday Mental Health Report. And with nearly 7 in 10 respondents (69%) feeling at least a little pressure to appear happier than they really are, it can be hard to open up to others, especially a new in-law, a distant cousin or a coworker at the office party.

Feeling more connected and less lonely often starts with a single question. LifeStance Health explains why the holidays can feel so isolating and how the right conversation starters can turn polite but awkward small talk into more authentic conversations at Thanksgiving dinner or a holiday party.

Why holiday loneliness hits so hard

Loneliness is the gap between the connection a person wants and the connection they feel.

The holidays tend to widen that gap. In the American Psychiatric Association's 2025 Healthy Minds Poll, nearly 1 in 3 adults said they were worried about being lonely during the holiday season. Nearly half said that they were worried about missing someone or experiencing grief and about a third were worried about challenging established family dynamics.

Holiday traditions can also shine a spotlight on what has changed: the absence of a deceased loved one, a divorce, a move to a new city or adult children leaving the nest and celebrating somewhere new. With winter's shorter days, packed schedules and changes in family holiday gatherings, it is easy to see why this season can feel isolating.

Extended feelings of loneliness can also be harmful. The 2023 U.S. Surgeon General's advisory on loneliness and isolation describes a lack of social connection as a serious public health concern and links it to a higher risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease and other health problems.

Feeling lonely during the holidays is more common than most people talk about, and it’s worth addressing. Sometimes the first step is something small, like practicing everyday conversation starters and reaching out to someone nearby.

Why good conversation starters help

Holiday small talk often focuses on simple topics like traffic, weather and food. Many people avoid deeper conversations because they worry the other person may not be interested.

That worry is often off base. In a series of experiments published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people expected deeper conversations with strangers to feel awkward, but they often felt more connected afterward than they had predicted.

Asking questions matters, too. Research from Harvard on question-asking found that people who asked more questions, especially follow-up questions, were better liked by their conversation partners. A follow-up question shows someone is truly listening, and that helps the other person feel understood.

A good conversation starter does two jobs at once: It opens the door to a real exchange, and it signals genuine interest in the other person.

Thanksgiving conversation starters

Thanksgiving is built around gratitude and storytelling, which makes it a natural time for questions to go a little deeper. Consider these Thanksgiving conversation starters at the dinner table, in the kitchen or on a walk after the meal.

Thanksgiving questions for the whole table

• What is something small that made this year better?
• Who is someone you are grateful for but haven't told?
• What holiday tradition from your childhood do you still think about?
• If you could add one new tradition to this day, what would it be?
• What is the best advice someone gave you this year?

Questions like these also invite the whole table to practice gratitude together, which can gently shift the room's mood.

Questions to ask grandparents and older relatives

Older relatives often carry stories no one has thought to ask about. These questions can help them feel seen and give younger family members a window into the past.

• What was Thanksgiving like when you were a kid?
• What was your first job, and what did it teach you?
• Which family recipe do you wish someone would learn?
• What do you know now that you wish you had known at my age?

Thanksgiving conversation starters for kids and teens

Kids and teens tend to open up more with playful, low-pressure questions than with “How is school?”

• If you could have any superpower for one day, what would it be?
• What was the funniest thing that happened to you this year?
• What song, show or game should everyone here try?
• If you were in charge of Thanksgiving next year, what would you change?

Conversation starters for Friendsgiving

Friendsgiving often brings together people who may not know each other well. Questions that help guests find common ground can make a new face feel welcome.

• How do you know the host?
• What is a food you could eat every single day?
• What are you looking forward to next year?
• What is the best thing you have learned from a friend?

Christmas conversation starters

Christmas and other winter celebrations often bring together different generations, new partners and relatives who only see each other once a year. These conversation starters can help bridge those gaps.

Christmas questions for family gatherings

• What is your favorite holiday memory?
• What is the best gift you ever gave someone?
• Which holiday movie or song always puts you in a good mood?
• What is one thing you hope to do more of next year?
• Which family tradition would you never want to give up?

Conversation starters for any winter celebration

Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Many people celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, the winter solstice or New Year’s instead of or alongside Christmas. These questions fit any winter gathering:

• What does this season mean to you?
• What tradition from your culture or family do you love sharing?
• What is something you want to leave behind this year?
• What are you hoping for in the new year? 

Conversation starters for meeting a partner’s family

Meeting a partner's family over the holidays can stir up nerves, especially for people who live with social anxiety. Having a few questions ready can take some of the pressure off.

• What traditions does your family always keep?
• What was your partner like as a kid?
• What dish are you known for making?
• How did your family celebrate when you were growing up?

Deep conversation starters for real connection

When the setting feels right, such as a long drive, a late-night kitchen cleanup or a quiet one-on-one moment, deeper questions can help people feel truly seen. These deep conversation starters tend to work best one-on-one and with people who seem open to them.

• What has been the hardest part of this year for you?
• When do you feel most like yourself?
• What are you proud of that most people do not know about?
• Who has shaped the person you are today?
• What is something you have changed your mind about?
• What does a good day look like for you right now?

Going deeper is an invitation, not a requirement. If someone keeps their answer light, follow their lead. Real connection grows when both people feel comfortable.

Conversation starters for reaching out when you are alone

Not everyone spends the holidays surrounded by people. Distance, loss, work schedules or strained relationships can all mean a quiet season. Reaching out can still help, even with a short message.

Many people hesitate because they worry a message will feel random or unwelcome. A study on reaching out to friends and acquaintances found the opposite: People consistently underestimated how much others appreciated hearing from them, and the more surprising the message, the more it tended to be appreciated.

A few easy openers for a text or call:

• You crossed my mind today. How is your holiday season going?
• A song came on and reminded me of you. What have you been listening to lately?
• Remember that trip we took? It still makes me smile.
• Would you be up for a call this week?
• What is one good thing that happened to you this month?

Other ways to build connection during a quiet holiday include volunteering, joining a community event, attending a religious or cultural service or chatting with a neighbor. People who are introverted or experience social anxiety may find that small, low-pressure interactions are a comfortable place to start.

How to keep holiday conversations going

A good opener is only the first step. A few simple habits can help a conversation feel warm instead of like an interview.

• Ask a follow-up question. "What was that like?" or "How did that feel?" shows real interest.
• Share something back. Sharing your own answer helps the other person feel less on the spot.
• Listen more. Focus on what the other person is saying, not on what to say next.
• Put the phone away. A few minutes of full attention can mean more than an hour of half-listening.
• Read the room. If someone seems tired or quiet, a lighter question may feel more welcome.

Steering away from holiday conflict

Politics, money and old family tensions can turn a warm conversation tense in seconds. It is OK to set a gentle boundary or change the subject. Phrases like “Let’s save that one for another day” or “I would love to hear about your trip instead” can redirect without starting an argument.

When strong opinions arise, skills from nonviolent communication can help people share their needs without blame. Left unaddressed, ongoing political disagreements can sometimes lead to family estrangement. For families dealing with ongoing family dysfunction, planning short visits and having an exit plan can help everyone get through the day with less stress.

When loneliness is more than a holiday feeling

For some people, a few good conversations over the holidays may be enough to feel more connected. For others, loneliness is tangled up with grief, depression, social anxiety or a big life change. It may be worth reaching out to a mental health professional if loneliness:

• Lasts for weeks, well beyond the holiday season
• Comes with ongoing sadness, hopelessness or loss of interest in things you used to enjoy
• Makes it hard to sleep, eat, work or get through the day
• Comes with intense fear of social situations that leads to avoiding people
• Is tied to a loss that still feels overwhelming

Shorter, darker days can also play a role. Seasonal depression symptoms tend to show up in fall and winter and can make it harder to seek out social connection.

This holiday season, one honest question can be the start of something bigger. Talking to family, a friend or a qualified mental health provider can help loneliness loosen its grip and make room for real connection.

If loneliness ever comes with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911 in an emergency.

This story was published by LifeStance Health and reviewed and distributed by Stacker.